I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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