is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
