how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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