yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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