I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
