I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
