Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
