are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
