1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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