Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
