I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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