At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You took a bar mat shot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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