yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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