Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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