Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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