Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
