I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
