So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
