I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
