one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
