god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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