every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
