Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
