I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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