just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
