The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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