did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
