I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
