his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
