i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
