come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize