you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
