have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
