Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
