I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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