I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
