Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
