there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
