Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
