Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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