just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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