Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
