Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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