Your tits are I can't wait for
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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