well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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