I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
