why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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