Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
