I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
