How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
