i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
