So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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