How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize