It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
