Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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