I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
