Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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