I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
