there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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