I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your cock deserves a montage
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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