i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
