I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
