you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
