mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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