i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
