Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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