So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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