If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
