i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Farmville is her only friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
