I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize