so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
