Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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