he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
