i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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