so that wasnt chicken after all
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
