plz talk dirty to me
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize