Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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