I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
