How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize