mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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