ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize