I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
