Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
