I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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