woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
