I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
