i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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