I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
