im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
