i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
