no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
