you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The uberlube is also flammable
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
