Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
